The Inventory
by skittery
Summary: Every year, the Gryffindor Girls Seventh has a list of tasks to complete. An inventory, if you will. Who has to profess love ot a third year? Lick Remus Lupin? Fall in love? Read it to find out! A Sirius/oc
1. Chapter 1

1

**1. Snog the first chap you see for five uninterrupted minutes. If time is interrupted, snog and time will be moved onto the next chap you see…**

It was time well spent on the Hogwarts Express, with your back crammed against the plush seat.

Her whole body flush against the boy who was trying to suck out her soul by way of her mouth, Megan Osland came to a wonderful conclusion.

Toothpaste is a wonderful thing. Truly. After the five minutes of torture she was currently enduring were up, she was going to create a pamphlet about dental hygiene. And the importance of it.

Said pamphlet would then be distributed to all of the blokes at school, during breakfast, by way of owls, so they would hopefully get paper cuts. Because boys are rubbish.

These blessed pamphlets would also come with a dancing toothbrush. It would dance merrily around, until it was used. If the bloke in question were to neglect his duty, said toothbrush would attack him. But it would appear to his dorm mates that his toothbrush was brushing his teeth.

Yes, Megan decided. Definitely will have to do that. After cutting off all of Lily's hair.

Lily Evans was the reason that Megan was in this terrible position in the first place. Well, by way of tradition.

You see, every year at Hogwarts, the Girls Seventh has a list. Their civic duty. Together, the girls making up that group have to fulfill the entire list prior to graduation. Required actions. The list changed as students came and went, but it was still mainly the same.

If they achieved this hallowed feat, they got a scholarship. No, honestly. They did.

Years ago, there was a very wealthy young woman, by the name of Gertrude Billings, who graduated from Hogwarts. Old Gertie was, unlike many of her peers, a free spirit. She believed in doing anything for a good time. She made up what sounded like a reasonable list of things for the girls to achieve. If they did all 25, they all got a very large donation to their scholarship funds.

Lily, after hearing of this list and researching its validity, decided that this year, the Sevenths would do it. And succeed.

After gagging on the young chap's breath once again, as he tried to take a swab of the back of her throat, Megan had made up her mind. In 2 minutes she would cut off (with a very dull butter knife) all of Lily's hair.

Bang! The door to the compartment flew open into the seat behind it.

_Dear Merlin_, she thought. _You've got to be kidding me!_

Standing in the doorway was the formidable James Potter, Head Boy and lead avenger for the Virginity Protection Squad. His muscular arms reached in and lifted the boy, who turned out to be a pimply Hufflepuff Fifth year named something or other Johnson. Impressive how she knew her schoolmates, eh?

James, using for more strength than he needed to, flung the boy out of the compartment. His hazel eyes glittering, he advanced on Megan. If she wouldn't have known better, having known him since they were three, she would have been nervous, or slightly intimidated.

No neither of those. She was nauseous. Snogging James for five minutes would not be great, nor would the aftermath. Grabbing him by the robes and smiling brightly, she pulled him to her and latched on for all she was worth. She set a sticking charm on the two of them as she thought about how pissed Lily was going to be.

You see, Lily had recently divulged to Megan a deep hidden secret. Yeah, right. It was more like Lily finally 'fessed up to having kind feelings for the man currently hooked to Megan by the lips. The true extent of Lily's feelings was undetermined, but Megan reckoned that they ran on the strong side. You can't be pursued for six years by James, then make friends with him the previous year and not be head over heels. Megan loved him in a platonic way, but she understood Lily's fascination.

Which would undoubtedly escalate if Lily knew how simply terrific he was as a snogger. World-class. Most definitely. His lips…..mmm.

The five minutes finally finished and the two pulled apart.

"I am so sorry. Jamie, seriously… I didn't mean to…I couldn't help it." Megan shrugged and threw up her hands helplessly.

James swept his dazed eyes over the small compartment. A wild look came upon him and he reached out and tossed Megan over his shoulder, like a sack of potatoes. He whirled around to the door, and threw an explanation over his shoulder.

"We have to get out of here. This room is possessed. It's like a den of sin. It makes you do…things." He sprinted down the passageway, presumably to the compartment that held the Marauders.

It gave Megan plenty of time to think about the craziness that was the Gryffindor Girls Seventh.

First off, there was Lily. Lily Evans was head girl, beautiful, and seemingly perfect. Owner of a 'stalker', who was en route to becoming her boyfriend, not too many girls could claim that.

Then there was Joanie Rogers, the resident fire cracker. Most people thought Lily had a temper, but when they met Joanie she quickly changed their mind. She was a 'hot-tempered pixie'. Shorter than the rest of the girls, hovering around 5 feet tall, Joanie had a short blonde pixie cut. Hence the name.

Next was Maura Stevens. Maura and Megan did not get along wonderfully. Maura was tall and gorgeous. Long dark brown hair, long legs; the definition of a sexpot. Maura was rather shy, and mad that Megan had never gone out with Sirius Black.

Which Megan thought was completely mental. Megan Osland was short, only a couple of inches taller than Joanie the Pixie, and smart. She was coming into her own the last summer though. No longer a shy, bookish brunette who was always just a 'friend', Megan was an outrageous flirt and very sarcastic. She was kind of like Old Gertie. Megan did whatever it took to ensure that she had a good time, all the time. Doing the tasks set forth by the old bat sounded like a hell of a time.

Lily was going to kill her for kissing James.

Said boy opened a door and deposited Megan right inside of it. "I'll be back…I just have to explain to Lily somehow what just happened. Crazy room." He backed down the hall after shutting the door.

Megan let her head thud against the lightweight door; her long brown hair creating a curtain around her face. She heard a familiar 'hey' and sighed wearily.

"If I'm asleep or for unseen reasons, unconscious, will you lot tell Captain Shit for Brains that I have everything under control?" She lay down on the floor; eyes closed, and rubbed her face tiredly before speaking again. "And I don't need the Lead Avenger of the Virginity Protection Squad to rescue me so barbarically next time. Sodding two-wit."

A couple of chuckles replied, before Remus Lupin spoke up. "But, for him to be effective, don't you have to be a virgin in the first place?" His gravelly voice was soft, but what he implied was heard loud and clear.

A deeper tone cut in. "Well, I guess we're all safe."

Megan smirked. "Except for Peter. Maybe when the VPS comes around again, we can sacrifice him." She cackled cheerfully, listening to the boys laugh.

Peter glared at Megan and smiled devilishly at her. "Want to make me not a virgin?"

She shot off the floor and onto the seat next to the deep voice. Which had come from none other than Sirius Black. Megan shook her head frantically, almost giving herself whiplash in the process.

Remus laughed at Peter's offer, and sent a warm smile in Megan's direction. The two had been next door neighbors forever. Remus and Megan grew up together, which no one, save Lily and James, k new.

Sirius studied the petite girl curled up on the seat next to him. She was fit. Small, brown haired, big brown eyes, long eyelashes, and the sexiest pair of pillow lips he'd ever seen. Briefly, Sirius wondered why he'd never kissed her. She'd taste wonderful. He decided that he'd never met, and therefore, this exquisite creature must be new.

"So, love, what's your name? I'm Sirius Black, the man of your dreams." He smiled slowly and winked, grabbing her hand. He dropped a swift kiss on it, before noticing her cocked eyebrow, and Remus' stifled laughter.

Megan extradited her hand gracefully, and smiled cheekily. "I'm Megan Osland. Definitely not interested. We've been housemates since first year." She stopped, watching his face fall. "Matter of fact, we were Potions partners for the last three years, when you and Potter couldn't work together."

Remus dropped the book he'd been hiding his laughter behind, and slapped his leg. "Good Merlin, Padfoot. You really didn't recognize Oz?"

Sirius looked from Remus to Megan, then back to Remus. "Oz? Lily's friend? Oz? No frigging way, man." He blushed slightly and tossed his glossy black hair out of his eyes.

Megan watched him, praying that the next time she tossed her hair out of her face; she would look elegant and nonchalant like Sirius. Not like a horse trying to bite its ear. She laughed at his discomfort, and turned back to Remus.

"Hey Wildboy. 'Member that time we ran around the neighborhood completely starkers for three days?"


	2. Chapter 2

Sirius Black was stunned

Sirius Black was stunned. Which did not usually happen. He was completely taken aback. Wildboy? Oz? Stark naked? Together?

"Moony, why did I not know of this, you dog?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "We were five, Padfoot." He scoffed and picked his book back up.

Sensing Moony wasn't going to tell him anything else, he turned a charming smile onto Oz. Who scowled at him. He nonchalantly breathed into his hand. Not offensive. What was her problem?

She rolled her eyes. "You didn't know that we are neighbors?" Sirius shook is big head 'no', so she went on. "Me and Wildboy here have lived next door to each other ever since we were little fetus' in our mummy's wombs'. "

Remus snorted at Megan. "Meg, when you talk like that, it is no wonder that you don't have a boyfriend." He sent a pitying look her way.

Megan caught the look and raised an eyebrow. "Why would I want a boyfriend? Hmm? If I had a boyfriend, he'd try to tame me."

Sirius snorted. "Why? What are you? A horse?"

Megan ignored him pointedly, and told Remus, "Besides, if I had a boyfriend, I probably wouldn't hang out with you." She smiled sadly.

"Heaven help me."

Meg smirked. "Smart Arse." Rising out of her seat, she slinked her way over to Remus, one hand on either side of his lean body; their faces mere centimeters apart. "And I don't know how I would get along if I couldn't indulge in our daily sessions of sexual tension," she added huskily, a gleam coming into her eye.

BANG! The door crashed open. Guess who stood in the doorway? Three guesses and the first two don't count!

"What the bloody hell if your problem today Oz? " James looked at her, positively befuddled. "First that HufflePuff, then me, and now Remus? With Padfoot and Wormtail in the room? Good God woman; have you no decency?" James thundered into the compartment, to stand directly behind Megan.

Sirius spoke up for her. "Not when you stand behind her like that, when she's leaning over Moony, being all saucy and such."

Megan burst out laughing and side-stepped out of what was admittedly a compromising position. She smiled, still laughing and tried to talk. "ME? Saucy? And such? Ha hahahahahaha!" She sank to the floor, her laughter getting louder as she got closer to the floor.

James blushed, and Remus chuckled. Sirius had to admit, the girl was different. He'd never really paid her any attention. She was just Lily's shy friend. Guess she's not that shy.

James stuttered, still blushing. "It-it's not that funny Megan. You are being 'saucy and such'." He stopped abruptly, thinking about what he had said. "You are right." He started laughing raucously with her. "That's fricking hysterical." He sank to the floor, next to Megan.

The other occupants of the compartment stared at the two nitwits on the floor in a mix of boredom, mirth, and confusion.

Remus was bored, having spent many afternoons in his childhood in the position that James was in. Megan, he mused, had one of those laughs. It just drew you in. Even if what caused her to laugh wasn't remotely funny in the first place, you still laughed. Though, he had to admit, the reason for her laughter was truly funny. Had he not been slightly turned on by her closeness, he would have done more than smirk. No, Remus didn't like Megan that way. He just had a perfect shot down her top when she was straddling his legs. Damn her.

Sirius was full of mirth. This girl, who he had never even noticed before, was frolicking around with his two best friends like she belonged there. Pondering that, he tried to come up with a good reason for not knowing her. His friends sure seemed to. Know her, that is. And well.

Peter was confused. First off, how did Sirius not know Megan? She was the most wonderful woman Peter had known. She had grown from a meek little girl, to a gorgeous, smart, confident woman. Yes, Peter had a crush on Megan. Which skeezed her out a little.

Alas, Megan did not and thankfully would not feel that way about Peter. Peter personally thought that Megan and Remus might end up together. They had such a laid back relationship, seemingly built on respect and shared interests. Remus was more fun when she was around. But lately, Peter had pegged another person as the man who would win Megan's heart. Damn him.

Megan and James finally calmed down; leaning on each other while sitting on the floor. Giving her perfect aim. She pinched the back of his arm.

"OUCH! Head Boy abuse! What the bloody hell was that for?" James rubbed the muscle on the back of his arm, pouting.

"Head Boy abuse? Come on James, are you like four? Gonna go tell your mummy?" Megan snickered bemusedly at his attitude. She got up from the floor, dusting off her butt. "Oh and Potter? Next time I'm snogging a bloke, try not to go all Virginity Protection Squad on me. Okay? You've totally mucked it up now. Cause I have to go to the dentist now." She glared and stormed out of the compartment, searching for the Gryffindor Girls Seventh.

Sirius spoke up. "What is a dentist? Is it like a sadist?"

Since James was still pouting melodramatically on the floor, Remus answered him. "The Dentist is a muggle Healer. They fix teeth. Some people hate it. Megan isn't going to the dentist though." He explained quickly, noticing everyone's confused stares. "Megan hates apologizing. She says that it is akin to getting teeth pulled out. Therefore, she is going to the dentist." Remus smiled, obviously proud of himself.

The other blokes just stared at him in confusion and horror, until James started a new conversation regarding the first prank of the year.

Four compartments away, Megan found her dorm mates ensconced in deep conversation.

"I say she stuffs."

"No way!"

"She can't. They are totally smooth. No lumpage."

"Hey all," Megan cut in. "Sorry to interrupt, but what the blooming hell are you all talking about? Or rather, whom?" She questioned cautiously.

They spoke together. "Ashley Benson."

Megan's mouth made a small 'oh' on its own accord. Ashley Benson was a popular HufflePuff Seventh year who had held the title of 'main' Girlfriend of Sirius Black for the last two years. "Main' was added on because of all the rumors involving his unfaithfulness. Personally, Megan thought it was all a bunch of rubbish. Sure, Sirius seemed a bit big-headed and full of himself, but he was nice enough. And he was best friends with James and Remus, so he couldn't be too bad. Right?

Settling into the bench across from Lily, Megan listened to their conversation, and when it broke up, she butted in. "I'm sorry Lily. You read it' I would never do that to you if you wouldn't have decided to pursue this list. Not to blame you." By the time she was done, Megan was wringing her hands.

Lily smiled and waved off her worries. "Its okay, Meg. It is entirely my fault. We should have stopped him before he went into that room." She stopped and her grin turned wicked. "It could have been Severus." Lily knew of Megan's dislike of the boy.

Megan grimaced and laughed. She pulled out the parchment that held their challenges, and perused it. "Who is next? What will they do? Hmm?" Her finger tapped the side of her angular jaw.

The others gathered in front of her, looking as anxious as victims in front of the firing squad. Lily appeared worried, Joanie looked anxious, and Maura was feigning disinterest.

Megan smiled devilishly, turning her head so she could look at her favorite blonde haired pixie. "Number 14."

"Let me see that damn paper." Joanie grabbed the paper, and scanned it until she found her assigned task.

**14. Profess your love to a Third Year. He can be from your own house, but he doesn't have to be. Kudos if it happens at Dinner, in front of the whole school. Extra kudos if it the bloke is gangly, pimply, or just in general, ugly.**


	3. Chapter 3

Sirius Black was stunned

Joanie saw red, and then lifted her eyes to Megan's. "Fine," she grit out. "Do you lot get to pick, or can I?"

Megan shrugged and looked to lily, who was picking at a hangnail. "Oi! Princess? Who picks?'

Lily looked up surprised that they were talking to her, and shrugged lazily. "Don't know…or care." She thought on it. "You can do it. I doubt that it really makes a difference."

Maura piped up. "Hey now. I think we should be able to say yay or nay. You know," she looked around conspiratorially. "In case he isn't ugly enough."

The girls all cackled at her suggestion, but ultimately decided that they would have the final say. To earn more kudos. Not that it got them anything.

They chatted amicably for the rest of the train ride. Catching a carriage, Megan and Lily sat side by side across from Maura and Joanie, the same order they sat in at the Gryffindor dining table. Maura and Joanie sat discussing the third year boys that Joanie could 'confess' to, and Lily and Megan sat in companionable silence.

Megan decided that there was no time like the present to pursue her side project. MISSION: MR. AND MRS. POTTER. Megan had decided to get Lily and James together, and seeing as how they were (tentative) new friends, why not?

"Lily?"

"Yes? What are you planning? Is it illegal? Dangerous? Can I join in?" She flushed in excitement as she turned to face Megan.

"No…nothing like that. Yet." She filed Lily's request away for a rainy day. "I was just wondering."

"What? No, I do not like girls." She hopped down from the carriage, and flounced towards the castle.

Megan ran to catch up with her as they entered the school. "Lily, what the bloody hell are you talking about?"

"I had a premonition. You were going to ask me something about James, and why we aren't together. I don't like girls. Duh." She said the last bit as an after thought.

Megan gazed questioningly at her, pondering if she was feverish or just mild deranged. "Well, I guess that's good to know. You know, because if I ever realize that I'm a closet lesbian, I now know that you would rebuff me."

A passing Ravenclaw Seventh, Dirks Mattington, stopped short and blew out a slow, low whistle. "That is a damn shame. A crime against humanity, you know." He left the girls at their place in the Dining Hall, and walked away muttering. "Crazy lady-loving birds. Guess I know what they do on a Hen's Night."

The girls stared after him, perplexed. What the ruddy hell was his issue? Lily sat down, pulling on a stumped Megan to sit her down.

From down the table, a voice rang out. "Oi! Oz! You alright? You look a little down."

She tossed back. "Yeah, I'm fine James." She smiled, still somewhat confused.

He grinned tenderly at his friend, and replied. "That's good. You know, we're here for you incase you ever need a hug."

"Or a shoulder to cry on." Ah, Remus, ever the sensitive bloke.

"Or an erection to…what?" Sirius' undoubtedly dirty comment was covered up by Lily's hysterical laughter.

"She…she…she won't need one of those…if she…if she comes…out of the closet." She dissolved into hysterics, taking Megan with her, and causing the boys to scratch their heads.

Remus stood up and swiftly made his way down the table. He leaned in close to a laughing Megan, and tersely whispered in her ear. "What are you going on about?"

"Nothing Wildboy, nothing at all. Inside joke, you know." She stopped laughing, batting him away. "Now go away."

He meandered down to his seat, chuckling slightly when he caught what Megan yelled to him.

"Leave a space big enough for me and Lil will you? We'll probably need some room, far away from Joanie."

Who sent a simmering glare at her friends. How embarrassing could this get? She rolled her eyes, which sent her friends into titters. "Knock it off!"

Maura recovered first. "Sorry pet, it won't happen again."

Lily and Megan snorted simultaneously.

Joanie had it. Blue eyes glittering dangerously, warning them of the temper that resided below, she shoved her finger to point down the table. "Move. Now."

They stood up, trying to stifle their mirth. Megan spotted the space between Remus and James, and set off in that direction. "Come on Evans. I see an open spot." She tugged her arm to make her sit next to James, while Megan took the open spot next to Remus. Putting herself across from Sirius. She smiled cheekily at him, causing him to send a concerned look at Remus.

Remus tested her forehead, and then used the back of his hand on the nape of her neck. "She isn't feverish. James you must be right." He sighed and nodded his head towards said fellow.

"Fourteen!" Feminine cackles erupted from Maura and Lily at Megan's loud shout. Joanie glared Maura quiet, but her heat-filled eyes had the undesired affect on Lily and Meg. They just laughed harder.

James quirked an eyebrow at Lily, who was nestled tightly into his side. In hysterics. His raised eyebrow gave way to a smirk, and a comment. "Yep…they definitely are demented. Pay up boys!" He laughed in glee, stretching his hands towards his mates.

The boys grumbled, and finally begrudgingly dropped some coins onto his outstretched hands. He rolled the coins around his large hand, testing their weight, pondering. _What the ruddy hell were the girls on? Bunch of nutters. Fetching nutters, although._

A few feet down the table, Joanie took deep calming breaths and thought of some inventive ways to punish her stupid friends. How long would it take to cut off their hair with a blunt butter knife? Hard telling. Or how much they would miss all of their skirts?

Taking a shaky breath, she smiled timidly at the young boy next to her. Robert Singleton, third year, pimply, gangly, and bonafide ugly. Perfect.

Megan caught sight of her smile, and nudged Lily with a smirk on her lips. Her lips twitched, fighting to keep the smile down. This was going to be good.

Joanie started to speak, frightening the boy so much he jumped, completely startled. She blushed red as a damn tomato as she kept talking complete rubbish. "You know, I've had these feelings for awhile now, but I was too afraid to say anything."

Megan snickered, elbowing Lily when she snorted a bit too loud. She caught the perplexed look that Sirius sent Remus. Megan shook her head and mouthed 'Just watch Joanie'. Turning her attention back down the table, she watched as the boy leaned closer and closer, invading Joanie's personal bubble. Which she was very neurotic about. _This is too rich. Joanie will be out for blood later._ Hearing Joanie shout her love for the boy, garnering stares from students and teachers alike, Megan turned her head into Remus' shoulder to stifle her laugh.

Remus chuckled at Megan's action. He had been watching both Joanie and Sirius for awhile now. Joanie was going to freak out, if the fire flashing in her eyes was any indicator. Hopefully, he would be around to watch when she blew her top. Joanie's temper was incredible. That much passion, wrapped into such a sexy little package. Mmm.

Sirius, on the other hand had started out watching Joanie, but had shifted somewhere along the road to stare, fascinated, at Megan. Remus recognized that look of Sirius'. One could not be friends with him for six years, and not know when his interest had been piqued. His eyes were darker, more intense, but unlike usual, the grin was a real smile. Sirius was infatuated. Figures. Remus had always reckoned that those two would make a good pair. He would need to be warned off though. As Megan's best bloke friend, and one of Sirius' best mates, it was his job to protect her, and to make sure they would both be happy. Remus made a mental note to corner Padfoot later that week and tell him what was what.

Megan wiped tears of mirth from her cheeks, falling into Lily, holding her up because she was currently immersed in hysterics. Joanie's 'confession' was without a doubt, the funniest thing she'd ever seen. Shoulders still shaking from her laughter, Megan stood up and using the hand Remus offered, climbed out from the bench. Looping her arm through his, they set off towards the Gryffindor Common. One set on getting a front row seat for the fireworks; the other hell-bent on escaping from the supposed 'entertainment'.


	4. Chapter 4

Sirius Black was stunned

Remus chuckled merrily at the rampaging Joanie, watching unabashedly as she threw first a pillow, then a clock in the general direction of Megan. Who was hiding behind Lily and Maura. He mused that it was probably a good thing that Joanie had a shitful aim. Megan's mother had the worst temper Remus ever had the misfortune of encountering. It would not be fun to explain that Megan was harpooned by a clock. Not good at all.

"I can't believe you!" Joanie screeched at her friends. "How embarrassing!" She stopped and looked around at all of the people eavesdropping. She stifled the urge to strangle her friends, and pursing her lips, asked for the parchment.

Megan retrieved said parchment and sauntered over to Joanie. Handing it to her she smiled. "Oh, cheer up Joaner! It is all in good fun." She peeked over her shoulder towards Remus, who was pretending to not listen. Leaning in, she told her some advice. "You should get mad more…maybe at Remus. He absolutely digs you, you know."

Joanie's blue eyes widened and her cheeks flushed at the notion of Remus liking her. She grinned and looked at the piece of parchment in her hands. She looked at Lily and crooked an eyebrow. "Number 17."

Lily grabbed the parchment, brows furrowed, and sped-read the seventeenth entry.

**17. You must eat an entire block of cheese in one sitting. Kudos if it is at breakfast.**

Lily slowly looked up at Joanie. "I. Hate. You." She threw down the parchment and haughtily stomped away in the direction of her dorm.

Megan picked up the parchment, and found her bag. Sliding it in there, she plopped down on the couch next to Remus. "Enjoy the show?" she asked.

Remus nodded, still smiling. "Yes, ma'am. Very funny." His eyes glittered, full of mirth, as he lolled his head to look at her. "Was a little worried for a minute there Meg. I thought she was going to nail you." He patted her leg affectionately.

Megan giggled and snuggled into the arm that he slung around her shoulder. "Pssh. You know Joaner's got complete shit for aim. Nothing to worry about a'tall. Worry wart."

The cushion sank down as someone sat on it. "Am I interrupting something?" Sirius' deep voice cut in. "Do you lot need a moment?"

Megan laughed and shook her head. "No. We were just laughing about something."

Remus cleared his throat and caught Sirius' eye. "I need to talk to you, Padfoot." He glanced meaningfully down at Megan and back to him.

Megan didn't move.

"Alone," Remus said. "Sorry, Meg. Bloke thing." He stood up and motioned for her to leave.

"Sorry boys." She popped off of the couch and scampered towards the Girls Stairs. "I need my beauty rest so I can enjoy watching and laughing hysterically tomorrow at breakfast. Toodles!" She skipped up the steps, taking them two at a time.

Sirius laughed as she took off, watching her every step of the way. His smile faltered when he met Remus' stern eyes. "What?" he asked testily.

"Don't get mad at me. I just want to talk."

Sirius snorted. "Sure. You want to warn me off your best girl mate. Just like you tried to do to James with Lily." He scoffed in disgust. "Well, sorry you…Champion of Virtue. Go take up with James. I'm sure the Virginity Protection Squad has a place for you." He stood up, body tense with anger, and started to stomp out the Portrait Door.

Remus ran to catch up with him. "Padfoot, mate! Wait up."

Never one to stay mad at Remus, Sirius stopped and waited for him to catch up before he started his brisk pace again. "You know I'm right."

Remus shook his head. "Not really."

Sirius stopped short, sending Remus careening past him. "What do you mean 'Not really'? Explain now. It'd be a pisser to start our Seventh year in a fight, Moony."

Remus relaxed a little. "I'm not going to 'warn you off'. It wouldn't matter. It's hard to talk you down from a girl. Just be careful. Megan doesn't really want a relationship. Or a fling. And she isn't 'fling' material." He trailed off, mumbling about her last ruddy bloke who done her wrong.

Sirius stopped again, an incredulous look on his handsome face. "You fancy her! Damn it Moony! Why didn't you say something sooner? She's off limits now."

Remus had the good sense to not appear repulsed. "Fancy Megan? Are you mental? I fancy Joanie. Idiot." He looked around at the deserted hallway. "Keep that unknown, alright?"

Sirius nodded and turned them around so they could walk back to the Common Room. "So you don't fancy Megan? I can like her?"

"Yes. But don't let her know." Remus smiled, remembering one such occasion. "It freaks the hell out of her. One time this bloke that lived down the street 'confessed' his love and she beat the crap out of him. Hysterical. Honestly. We were ten."

Sirius rolled his eyes, and then gave the Fat Lady an exaggerated wink and the password. "What should I do then? Flirt with her like mad?"

"No. Though you probably will. Just be her friend for a while. I think you two could have something. Be nice…she won't take you seriously if you flirt with her. She laughs it off. Mainly because she flirts so much. So, just be her friend. She'll be more likely to like you then."

Sirius stopped him at the stairwell. "Does this mean you are going to help me?"

"Help you how? I'm not going to help you 'get' my friend. Wrong."

They came into the unusually quiet dorm. "Not 'get' her. Just help me become her boyfriend. Duh."

Remus drew a weary hand over his face, glancing around at James' empty bed. "Fine, Padfoot. Just be normal. Like I've been telling James for years. Where is he?"

Sirius scratched his head. "Probably patrolling. It is first night back." He pulled off his t-shirt and dropped down onto his bed. "Why?"

Remus shrugged. "Don't know. Just wondering. I wanted to ask him something."

"What?"

"Never mind…it pertains to you."

Sirius snored in reply.

"That's okay, I like talking to myself." He laughed and settled in for the night.


End file.
